News Report (Australian Sector)

Global Warming – London Blitz Starts New Climate Change Scare

Last night’s German bomber raid near Buckingham Palace was the first raid on the civilian population.  No human lives were lost as the Royal Family was not in residence at the time and Palace staff had scurried to the air-raid shelters when the sirens sounded.  Several small dogs seen sniffing around the Palace gardens at the time of the bombing are missing in action.  A statement from the Royal household proclaims that ‘the King is not amused’.

The House of Lords called an emergency meeting immediately after the bombing to discuss its ramifications.

Lord Compliant stated that climate scientists had predicted that the greenhouse gases emitted from the bomb explosions and the resultant fires will result in significant global warming.

Lord Refute responded by saying that the amount of greenhouse gas produced by man was insignificant in the overall scheme of things and would make no difference to global warming.

“Bulldust!” said Lord Yielding, “The science is settled and 97% of climate scientists have reached consensus on global warming.

Lord Tolerant seemed to think that global warming would melt the ice caps at both poles causing a rise in the sea level of 10 metres which would flood all of the lower level littoral land in the world.

Lord Indecisive poo-pooed that idea saying that because the ice in the arctic region is floating on water then the sea level in the Northern Hemisphere would actually drop when the ice melts due to the density difference between ice and water. Only in the Southern Hemisphere would the water level rise because the Antarctic ice is on dry land and therefore only Australia, New Zealand, Africa and other insignificant islands in the Pacific Ocean would be affected.

Lord Accept pointed out that if the atomic bomb, a top secret device being developed in the USA, was detonated then there truly would be climate change and after any significant weather event people would go around saying: “It’s the bomb what done it!”.

At this point Lord Accommodate suggested that since the science was settled and there was 97% consensus among climate scientists, then a tax should be placed on all serfs to determine ways to combat global warming and to provide the wages for more public sector climate scientists who have no possibility of employment in the private sector.

Lord Defiant asked which one (3%) of the 33 climate scientists employed by Governments around the world was the dissenter to which the answer was “Einstein”.

“He’s the guy who reckons that Newton’s Second Law of Motion ie Force = Mass x Acceleration is not always true because mass and time are variables in some circumstances.  What a load of codswallop!  What a fraud! Climate denier, sceptic, doubter and disbeliever!  Bah Humbug!“ exclaimed Lord Accord.

“Hear! Hear!” cried the Lords.

and Lord Dionysus, being forward thinking, purchased 2000 acres in the Huon Valley, Tasmania, as a hedge again climate change adversely affecting his future Australian mainland grape production.

However, Lord Dionysus is a businessman and not a politician so what should he know (say'd their Lordships Compliant, Refute, Indecisive, Acceptance and Accommodate !!!!!)